Ugh. Artemis ever casts this spell on me again, I will kill her. Mother fuck. The future doesn’t even have a single goddamn vending machine in it and the wolf’s over there giving me the evil eye because I ate all its bread. Yeah, I could probably turn off feeling hunger, but I’d just keel the fuck over later if I did. Not to mention all this life energy’s making me crazy. Come on, Adrian, suck it up. You can go twelve hours without jacking off, don’t let this Thyrsus bullshit make you lose control. Denying yourself what you want, remember?
…the Princeps. I can’t fuckin believe I joined up with Caesar anyway, after all that. I can’t believe I’m running his psychic gestapo. And I can’t believe I killed Artemis over a deal with the goddamned Hollow. How fucked up is it that I’m more afraid of myself in this timeline than I am of the friggin antichrist? Guy’s gotta be a paranoid control freak, master mentalist and all-around murderous bastard. I know what I’m like when I’m not thinking straight, and it’s been twenty years. Man, who knows what happened. Maybe Caesar had something to hang over my head. Maybe he used magic, wouldn’t put it past him. Maybe he just had too many friends and not enough enemies.
Or maybe the me in this timeline didn’t let himself remember about Avalon until it was too late.
“A light in the dark, born to dead blood.” I ain’t been much of a light to anybody so far, that’s for damn sure. So what’s destiny getting at here? What the hell am I supposed to do? Second Awakening, okay, but why is it me, of all the people it could’ve been? Something tells me I need to talk to Dahhak and Medraut. Maybe once we get back we can take a little vacation to the far shores of the Astral, find out what the fuck’s going on out there. They say you can’t hide nothin from Dahhak, maybe that’s exactly what I need. Some asshole with the power of Pandemonium to scourge the everloving shit out of me until I can see right through into my own soul. I’d ask my daimon but he’d probably shove a hot poker the size of a telephone pole up the Statue of Liberty’s ass and call it a day.
No question about it, I’m gonna find Vates’ road. I have to. It’s supposed to be me, for whatever godforsaken reason, and it’s the only way I can see to stop all this from happening. Can’t put this into words right, but seeing inside him like that…fuck, I think I kinda know what Artemis felt like the day I showed her the sunrise. His dreaming, I can’t get it out of my mind. I mean, I probably could but that ain’t the point. I don’t want to. It’s like watching the sun rise all over again but it’s closer now, there’s no glass wall, no beast. Feels like…no, I was gonna say it feels like the kind of good you feel when you smash a guy’s head into the ground but it doesn’t. It’s a different kind of wanting and I couldn’t explain it to save my life. I need to find that road, for everybody’s sake. I need to lead the world to ascension. Does that make me a Knight too? Or am I just Vates’ little canary here? If he thinks I’m just gonna roll over and let him lead me around by the nose he’s got another thing coming. Gotta take control of this destiny of mine. Been handing Vates the keys for way too long.
Speaking of which, why the hell did he kidnap Mainyu and break into his shit? What did that get him, other than a pissed off Rhiannon and a more paranoid bunch of watchdogs? I don’t think he gives a shit what’s on those drives, it’s an act. Trying to keep up appearances that the Seers are after something, keep spreading fear, but what for? He must want M on edge, the Pentacle at war and jumping at shadows. Keeping everybody busy. Buying us time? Or maybe he just wants us to take the Seers out like he took out his gang, for the same reasons. Boy, if he’s trying to follow Medraut’s advice about ending the concept of killing, he’s not exactly making huge strides. But hey, neither am I. Ha ha ha. God dammit.
…one other thing. It wasn’t the Seers that destroyed Boston’s Pentacle. It…was the Mensarius. That lying two-timing self-absorbed fuck. I knew I couldn’t trust him, I knew he was a piece of work, I knew my instincts were right about the Cipher, but this? This? And for what, just to get at Romulus? There had to be better ways of doing that. So he wanted to stage a war with the Seers, why? Was this all about Vates? Wanted to run him to ground so he wouldn’t expose where he came from, who he really is? I guess he figured I’d find him and kill him without asking questions. And there was a time when I would’ve, too. Hell, I tried. Can’t tell the girls about this yet, I’d be as good as painting targets on em clear as day. Besides, I think Artemis might just have a heart attack right there, or put her knife through my skull or something. Need a plan first. But I got a feeling I’m gonna need their help.
I swear to God, if the two of them are using New York City as their own personal petty little playground of vengeance and spite, I’m gonna put a bullet through the both of their heads, chop the baby in half and call it a fuckin day. Nobody screws around with my city and gets away with it. The right people are gonna pay for all this shit and the rest of them are getting their asses on that road. I don’t care what it takes.