Look at me. Just days ago I was ready to take on the world and make a difference, and a whole lot of other bullshit I was telling myself to keep myself from going catatonic from how fucked up the situation is. But I can’t believe i let Vates affect me like that. It took one phonecall, one threat to just make me shrivel up and start panicking. I should be goddamned better than this, but what else can I do?
And this whole damn excercise was pointless, wasn’t it? I feel like shit for just running off like that, but I just couldn’t lie to them to their faces about what was going on, and what I might be doing. And what did it get me? I’m right here back with them, fucking terrified that I’m going to be leading them into something terrible.
At least the election went as well as it could’ve. The Scrivener is out on his ass, so to speak, and someone who’s hopefully less of a complete monster is in charge of the Concilium. Still, what he did in that chamber. I still think he’s utter scum, and all of that rhetoric about being abolve the lie is bullshit, but maybe somewhere under there is someone worthwhile. Maybe.
I’m just glad that I didn’t screw things up more than I already had by running off before the big night. Or maybe I did. Outing Bel isn’t doing me any favors with anyone, let alone what I might be walking into. If it even is Leto in the first place. Great going, girl, you’re going to fix the Guardians all on your lonesome, you just need to fix the hundred and fifty or so mages who you just pissed off by letting family secrets out into the open. At some point, I wonder, they knew exactly who I was when they brought me in, what the hell did they think was going to happen?
The worst part of all of this is that I left them when they needed me, hell, when I needed them. Artemis looks like she’s about to have some sort of breakdown. No, actually, the worst part is the way Alastor has been looking at me.
I’m so sorry, Alastor, this wasn’t fair to you. Happy fucking birthday, your girlfriend is an untrustworthy fuckup who nearly ruined everything you’ve built over the past few weeks.